• "I see what you don’t. Write about things least spoken of. Speak less, listen more. Watch less, observe more. Know more by learning more. Attach less, detach more. Be seen less, remembered more. And believe that less is, in fact, more."
  • "Today, organs can get replaced but no one has found a replacement for lost trust, abandoned hearts, shattered souls and tears that flowed. Imagine that!"
  • "Life is not a straight line. It is a circle. See you a-round!"
  • If you do not wish to cross the bridge when you get to it go ahead, take a boat... either way, cross over, you will have to."

Mar 24 2014

That Death-Like Feeling

Dark Death

That Death-Like Feeling…

When someone you adore… moves away, moves on, lets go of you, says he doesn’t love you anymore, ignores you and slams the door…
Do you ever get the feeling that the person you once knew, just died?

Do you know that feeling?

The one who you adored and wanted to spend the rest of your life with,
Dreamt of waking up with, growing old with, having children with,
Even having his fragrance around you as you read your favourite book…

When he walks away… it is the death of a relationship, death of the persona you adored…

Do you know that feeling?

You knew his moves,
The side his head tilted when he was being serious,
The look in his eyes when he was being naughty but was trying to hide it,
The way his eyes gave away any surprise that he planned for you…
The way he said nothing yet you understood his silence…
You knew him by heart!

When he turns away and a vacuum develops,
A deep intense loss is felt, similar to that of a death…

Do you know that feeling?

You could recognise him in a crowd for he always wore his favourite brown leather jacket,
Even when he wore his favourite sunglasses you knew when his eyes were smiling,
He maintained a straight face at times but you knew those moments when he wanted you,
Every time he touched your hand you felt a tingle as his vibes made you feel alive.
When he hugged you, you felt that your world was there… in the warmth and strength of his arms.

When he leaves, you feel abandoned, lost,
As if the breath was being sucked out of you, as in death…

Do you know that feeling?

Then one day at a grocery store, your shopping cart bumps into another,
As you sheepishly say sorry and look up, you see those eyes you once saw your reflection in…

You see those arms that once held you tight…
You see that soft wavy hair that you’d run your fingers through and breathe in deep…
You see those lips… that once took your name and broke into a smile…
The smile that made your heart leap with joy…

Only this time, all of him leaves you stunned, jabbed, shot, stabbed and slashed…
When you see another arm around his.

“So soon?” you think.

Your eyes tear up faster than you ever imagined they could…
Your heart hurts, almost as if you were having a heart attack…
Your knees weaken, the way you thought was only possible when he would kiss you…
You feel sick to your stomach, even nauseous…
You begin to panic… and you dart…

Fumbling with the horrid shopping cart, as it bumps into the shelf holding lentils,
You abandon the cart and all that you had collected and just run…
You run before this ghost gets back on your shoulders,
Before his vibes envelope you again and remind you of all that you had yearned for…
Before you break down and fall to your knees,
Before he understands just how much it broke you to lose him…
You just run…

Do you know that feeling?

Slamming the elevator button several times in a split second that feels like an eternity,
You rush to take the stairs instead and sprint downstairs…

Scrambling into the dimly lit parking lot, you frantically search for your car as your body begins to shake,
It feels like an earthquake arriving from within.
You feel your spine tingling… sense a strange rush of blood in your chest and you run…

Fumbling with the car keys you finally unlock the door that feels intensely heavy and rush in.
Locking yourself inside the car you breathe out hard, then literally gasp for air as all the while you ran, you had forgotten to even breathe.

Your heart is racing, you are sweating, in extreme panic mode,
“You are having a panic attack!” your mind yells.
Gasping you grasp the steering wheel with all your strength and then…
Then your body begins to move, forward-backward, in a rocking motion…
As your grip around the steering wheel tightens… your fingers turn red…
You feel like you might break the steering wheel, suddenly you have such intense strength.

You are rocking back and forth and then suddenly..
You hit the steering wheel with all your might and let out an almost animal like cry…
Then a blood curdling howl emanates from your core….

Then all goes dark… as in death… and it just hurts to be hurting…

Do you know that feeling?

©Maulshri Rajdhan

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